nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
