I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
