I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize