i permit you to call me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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