We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
