I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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