She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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