I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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