i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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