I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
