there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
