What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the day after is always just damage control
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
