I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
