hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
