I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
