Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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