Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
