how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
it's like iHOP with fire
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
