We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
