I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
