My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
