nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
