Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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