I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
