I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize