Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
