If i come over, it means nothing
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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