I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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