He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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