last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
