Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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