You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
