Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
