I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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