you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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