I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
