So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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