Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
organizing the empties. That sober.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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