RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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