at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
