id be glad to
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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