He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
