So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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