Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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