I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
