Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
