This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
