so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
