I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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