Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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