We're facebook friends in real life
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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