my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
