dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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