While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
