i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have fence marks all over my body
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
