you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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