last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
false alarm. still invincible.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
