I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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