My nipple is on Facebook.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
