ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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