New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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