I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she pinky promised me she was 18
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
