So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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