we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize