Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
