I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is it penis luge time yet?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
