Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
