i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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