i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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