i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i think i have two assholes
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
