Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
