hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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