Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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