Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My balls are so social today.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
