I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
