So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
