Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
