You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
