Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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