I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
