Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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