My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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