how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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