I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
