she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
