nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
