every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
