Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
