No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
