it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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