ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
