remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
only if we run a train.
done.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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