Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
