The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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