I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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