Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
