dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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