i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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