and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize