Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
