Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
