is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
