Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
