Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
oh god the rape fog is back!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
