i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize