I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
