We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
two words...techno handjob
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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