Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
