Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
