why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
They should really pass out barf bags in church
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
