So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize