I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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