FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
