Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
