I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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