U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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