You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
