Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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