If that was your dad, he is hot
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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