dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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