Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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