It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
