Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
